With Saṅgārava · Translation: Bhikkhu Sujato, SuttaCentral
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Apissu maṁ, bhāradvāja, devatā disvā evamāhaṁsu: ‘kālaṅkato samaṇo gotamo’ti. Ekaccā devatā evamāhaṁsu: ‘na kālaṅkato samaṇo gotamo, api ca kālaṁ karotī’ti. Ekaccā devatā evamāhaṁsu: ‘na kālaṅkato samaṇo gotamo, nāpi kālaṁ karoti; arahaṁ samaṇo gotamo, vihāro tveva so arahato evarūpo hotī’ti.
Then some deities saw me and said, ‘The ascetic Gotama is dead.’ Others said, ‘He’s not dead, but he’s dying.’ Others said, ‘He’s not dead or dying. The ascetic Gotama is a perfected one, for that is how the perfected ones live.’
Tassa mayhaṁ, bhāradvāja, etadahosi: ‘yannūnāhaṁ sabbaso āhārupacchedāya paṭipajjeyyan’ti. Atha kho maṁ, bhāradvāja, devatā upasaṅkamitvā etadavocuṁ: ‘mā kho tvaṁ, mārisa, sabbaso āhārupacchedāya paṭipajji. Sace kho tvaṁ, mārisa, sabbaso āhārupacchedāya paṭipajjissasi, tassa te mayaṁ dibbaṁ ojaṁ lomakūpehi ajjhohāressāma. Tāya tvaṁ yāpessasī’ti. Tassa mayhaṁ, bhāradvāja, etadahosi: ‘ahañceva kho pana sabbaso ajajjitaṁ paṭijāneyyaṁ, imā ca me devatā dibbaṁ ojaṁ lomakūpehi ajjhohāreyyuṁ, tāya cāhaṁ yāpeyyaṁ. Taṁ mamassa musā’ti. So kho ahaṁ, bhāradvāja, tā devatā paccācikkhāmi, ‘halan’ti vadāmi.
Then it occurred to me, ‘Why don’t I practice completely cutting off food?’ But deities came to me and said, ‘Good fellow, don’t practice totally cutting off food. If you do, we’ll infuse heavenly nectar into your pores and you will live on that.’ Then it occurred to me, ‘If I claim to be completely fasting while these deities are infusing heavenly nectar in my pores, that would be a lie on my part.’ So I refused those deities, saying, ‘There’s no need.’
Tassa mayhaṁ, bhāradvāja, etadahosi: ‘yannūnāhaṁ thokaṁ thokaṁ āhāraṁ āhāreyyaṁ pasataṁ pasataṁ, yadi vā muggayūsaṁ, yadi vā kulatthayūsaṁ, yadi vā kaḷāyayūsaṁ, yadi vā hareṇukayūsan’ti. So kho ahaṁ, bhāradvāja, thokaṁ thokaṁ āhāraṁ āhāresiṁ pasataṁ pasataṁ, yadi vā muggayūsaṁ, yadi vā kulatthayūsaṁ, yadi vā kaḷāyayūsaṁ, yadi vā hareṇukayūsaṁ. Tassa mayhaṁ, bhāradvāja, thokaṁ thokaṁ āhāraṁ āhārayato pasataṁ pasataṁ, yadi vā muggayūsaṁ, yadi vā kulatthayūsaṁ, yadi vā kaḷāyayūsaṁ, yadi vā hareṇukayūsaṁ, adhimattakasimānaṁ patto kāyo hoti. Seyyathāpi nāma āsītikapabbāni vā kāḷapabbāni vā; evamevassu me aṅgapaccaṅgāni bhavanti tāyevappāhāratāya. Seyyathāpi nāma oṭṭhapadaṁ; evamevassu me ānisadaṁ hoti tāyevappāhāratāya; seyyathāpi nāma vaṭṭanāvaḷī; evamevassu me piṭṭhikaṇṭako uṇṇatāvanato hoti tāyevappāhāratāya.
Then it occurred to me, ‘Why don’t I just take a little bit of food each time, a handful of broth made from mung beans, horse gram, chickpeas, or green gram?’ So that’s what I did, until my body became severely emaciated. Due to eating so little, my major and minor limbs became like the joints of an eighty-year-old or a dying man, my bottom became like a camel’s hoof, my vertebrae stuck out like beads on a string,
Seyyathāpi nāma jarasālāya gopānasiyo oluggaviluggā bhavanti; evamevassu me phāsuḷiyo oluggaviluggā bhavanti tāyevappāhāratāya. Seyyathāpi nāma gambhīre udapāne udakatārakā gambhīragatā okkhāyikā dissanti; evamevassu me akkhikūpesu akkhitārakā gambhīragatā okkhāyikā dissanti tāyevappāhāratāya. Seyyathāpi nāma tittakālābu āmakacchinno vātātapena samphuṭito hoti sammilāto; evamevassu me sīsacchavi samphuṭitā hoti sammilātā tāyevappāhāratāya. So kho ahaṁ, bhāradvāja, ‘udaracchaviṁ parimasissāmī’ti piṭṭhikaṇṭakaṁyeva pariggaṇhāmi, ‘piṭṭhikaṇṭakaṁ parimasissāmī’ti udaracchaviṁyeva pariggaṇhāmi; yāvassu me, bhāradvāja, udaracchavi piṭṭhikaṇṭakaṁ allīnā hoti tāyevappāhāratāya. So kho ahaṁ, bhāradvāja, ‘vaccaṁ vā muttaṁ vā karissāmī’ti tattheva avakujjo papatāmi tāyevappāhāratāya. So kho ahaṁ, bhāradvāja, imameva kāyaṁ assāsento pāṇinā gattāni anumajjāmi. Tassa mayhaṁ, bhāradvāja, pāṇinā gattāni anumajjato pūtimūlāni lomāni kāyasmā papatanti tāyevappāhāratāya.
and my ribs were as gaunt as the broken-down rafters on an old barn. Due to eating so little, the gleam of my eyes sank deep in their sockets, like the gleam of water sunk deep down a well. Due to eating so little, my scalp shriveled and withered like a green bitter-gourd in the wind and sun. Due to eating so little, the skin of my belly stuck to my backbone, so that when I tried to rub the skin of my belly I grabbed my backbone, and when I tried to rub my backbone I rubbed the skin of my belly. Due to eating so little, when I tried to urinate or defecate I fell face down right there. Due to eating so little, when I tried to relieve my body by rubbing my limbs with my hands, the hair, rotted at its roots, fell out.
Apissu maṁ, bhāradvāja, manussā disvā evamāhaṁsu: ‘kāḷo samaṇo gotamo’ti. Ekacce manussā evamāhaṁsu: ‘na kāḷo samaṇo gotamo, sāmo samaṇo gotamo’ti. Ekacce manussā evamāhaṁsu: ‘na kāḷo samaṇo gotamo napi sāmo, maṅguracchavi samaṇo gotamo’ti; yāvassu me, bhāradvāja, tāva parisuddho chavivaṇṇo pariyodāto upahato hoti tāyevappāhāratāya.
Then some people saw me and said: ‘The ascetic Gotama is black.’ Some said: ‘He’s not black, he’s brown.’ Some said: ‘He’s neither black nor brown. The ascetic Gotama has dingy skin.’ That’s how far the pure, bright complexion of my skin had been ruined by taking so little food.
Tassa mayhaṁ, bhāradvāja, etadahosi: ‘ye kho keci atītamaddhānaṁ samaṇā vā brāhmaṇā vā opakkamikā dukkhā tibbā kharā kaṭukā vedanā vedayiṁsu, etāvaparamaṁ, nayito bhiyyo; yepi hi keci anāgatamaddhānaṁ samaṇā vā brāhmaṇā vā opakkamikā dukkhā tibbā kharā kaṭukā vedanā vedayissanti, etāvaparamaṁ, nayito bhiyyo; yepi hi keci etarahi samaṇā vā brāhmaṇā vā opakkamikā dukkhā tibbā kharā kaṭukā vedanā vedayanti, etāvaparamaṁ, nayito bhiyyo. Na kho panāhaṁ imāya kaṭukāya dukkarakārikāya adhigacchāmi uttari manussadhammā alamariyañāṇadassanavisesaṁ. Siyā nu kho añño maggo bodhāyā’ti?
Then it occurred to me, ‘Whatever ascetics and brahmins have experienced painful, sharp, severe, acute feelings due to exertion—whether in the past, future, or present—this is as far as it goes, no-one has done more than this. But I have not achieved any superhuman distinction in knowledge and vision worthy of the noble ones by this severe, grueling work. Could there be another path to awakening?’
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